A Parent’s Guide to the Do’s and Don'ts of College Visits
Apr 08, 2024
Do bring your curiosity, but don’t pack your biases; navigating the do’s and don’ts of college visits with your child is a fine art. Are you ready to master it?
When I embarked on college tours with my own kids I experienced a whirlwind of emotions. I felt a mix of nostalgia and excitement, as I witnessed my children on the cusp of adulthood, ready to carve out their own path. Each campus visit can stir up feelings of pride and anticipation, coupled with the inevitable anxiety about their child's future choices and opportunities.
Let's embark on this adventure together, with advice on the do’s and don’ts of college visits.
Do’s for Parents on College Visits
Start Informally
Take advantage of family vacations or holidays to visit colleges. An informal stop at a nearby campus can spark interest or provide clarity. Observing whether your child is drawn to the bustling energy of a large research institution or the intimate setting of a liberal arts college can be telling. I began visiting colleges with my older son in his freshman year of high school, turning it into a relaxed adventure to reduce the stress typically associated with the college search process.
Diversify the Search
Often I will meet with students early in their college search who have focused solely on the University of Michigan, which is in my proverbial backyard, in addition to other highly selective schools. Focusing an initial college search on schools with low acceptance rates can be counterproductive, especially without a clear understanding of a student's likelihood of admission. When parents limit explorations to only these schools, they risk setting unrealistic expectations and overlooking a broader range of colleges that might be better suited to their student's strengths, interests, and academic profile. This narrow approach can lead to unnecessary pressure and disappointment, overshadowing the student's achievements and potential fit with schools where they have a higher chance of thriving. It's important to diversify the college search to include a range of options that align with the student’s capabilities and goals, ensuring a balanced and realistic approach to the college selection process.
Focus on Logistics
A common oversight by families is inadequate preparation for their campus tours. Neglecting to book a tour or information session, opting for a mere drive-by visit, or not arranging meetings with faculty or admissions staff can lead to missed opportunities. Campus tours and information sessions can fill up months in advance, especially during spring and summer breaks. Planning far in advance can ensure that you secure your desired schedule.
Underestimating travel time between campuses during multi-college visits or not allocating sufficient time to thoroughly explore both the campus and its surroundings can diminish the visit's value. I suggest no more than two college visits in one day.
Proper research and planning is crucial to maximize the benefits of your trip, ensuring comprehensive exposure and information gathering. Encouraging your student to have a list of questions for each school that they will be visiting is essential. I suggest that both parents and students explore the online virtual tools provided by colleges before their visit. Doing so helps you familiarize yourself with the campus layout and offerings, giving you a better sense of direction and understanding before you even set foot on the grounds.
Facilitate Reflection
Often, parents are eager for instant reactions, sometimes during the campus tour itself. While some students may be comfortable with this, I recommend allowing your student to journal about their visit experiences before sharing your own observations. This approach helps them form and articulate their own thoughts and preferences without external influence. It’s then beneficial for families to later discuss them, perhaps over a meal, to consolidate their impressions and feelings about the visit.
Be a Listener
Prioritize listening over speaking. Ask open-ended questions to understand your child's feelings and thoughts about the visit and the institution.
Don’ts for Parents on College Visits
Don’t Dominate the Conversation
Resist the urge to lead discussions with college representatives. While the instinct to jump in might be strong, dominating the dialogue can prevent your teen from actively engaging and expressing their genuine interests and concerns. This is a pivotal moment for students to gain insights and build a rapport with the institution. This not only empowers them to take charge of their college search process but also demonstrates to college representatives that they are serious and personally invested in their educational journey. Facilitating this independence helps students develop confidence and decision-making skills that are vital for their college journey and beyond.
Avoid Projecting Your Preferences
Your college experience and preferences might differ from your child’s. Be mindful of not projecting your biases onto them. Refrain from comparing the current college visit to other colleges or to your own college experience. Expressing negative or critical comments about the campus, faculty, students, or facilities can create a negative atmosphere and impact the student’s perception of the college.
Don’t Dismiss Concerns
Take your child’s concerns seriously, whether they’re about the college’s size, location, or culture. Their comfort and fit with the college are paramount.
Don’t Ignore the Financial Conversation
Discussing the financial aspect of college education is essential but do it at the right time. Focus on the experience during the visit and reserve in-depth financial discussions for later.
Avoid Sharing Your Trip Down Memory Lane
Welcome back to your old stomping grounds! It's fantastic that you are revisiting your alma mater. As you walk down memory lane, let's try to keep phrases like “Back in my day...”, “I remember the time...”, or “Do they still...” to a minimum. Recently, I traveled more than 2,000 miles for a college visit only to realize that my tour was on Homecoming Weekend. I spent the 90-minute tour alongside a dad alumnus who sprinkled in the college hand salute at least a dozen times as he shared several intimate details of his college experience all to his daughter’s horror. I get the excitement, but we should be embracing the present through how campus has evolved, while still quietly cherishing those golden memories.
College visits are a critical component of the college selection process, providing a tangible sense of potential future environments for your student. By following these dos and don'ts, parents can support their children in making informed decisions that align with their aspirations and needs. The goal is to ensure that your child finds a college where they can thrive academically, socially, and personally.
